I woke up this morning in a sweat from a nightmare. I dreamt I had a huge fight with my best friend Emily. I had to calm myself down and remind myself that everything’s ok, it’s just been a few weeks since we connected. She’s been busy and so have I, making it difficult to talk like we’re used to doing. I want to share with her what’s going on in my life and hear the things that are happening in hers. Monday mornings used to be our time but something popped up and then another and now I’m out of that routine I had built. Getting back into a habit that we’ve fallen out of can be difficult. It’s not that talking to Emily is a chore, in fact I love it, but it’s the intentionality of saying “no” to certain distractions in order to say “yes” to maintaining this cherished friendship.
You can imagine that if I’m having trouble connecting with someone I love so much, I’m also having trouble keeping up with other habits like healthy eating, exercising, and most importantly, praying. These things all slide to the back burner when more “pressing” matters come about. And now my relationship with God is suffering. I’m feeling shame and guilt around not praying like I feel like I should, like I want to, and so I’ve been avoiding it even when I do have the time. Carrying around this shame and guilt is keeping me from living the life I feel called by God to lead.
This theme of the importance of prayer has really been hounding me the last few weeks. It was the message I took with me after the three retreats I attended in April. At one retreat, we read a poem called “Now is the Time” by Hafiz that talked about creating a truce with God and reflecting on the impossibility that God is anything other than grace. If God is grace, then I should have grace with myself as I would other people. That doesn’t mean to me that it’s ok to continue on in avoiding prayer time with God. Rather, it is critical to take this reflection and act on it. It’s time to talk to God about my shame and guilt and how I want to move forward in prioritizing my “God time.”
The first Thursday in May is America’s National Day of Prayer. It’s intended as a time to turn to God in prayer for our country. While our country could use prayers, I’m using it also as a day to refresh my habits of connecting with God. I am reflecting on my daily schedule and how I can prioritize prayer as a way to strengthen my relationship with God. Just like my relationship with Emily gets dusty without phone calls and FaceTimes, my relationship with God suffers when I’m not praying.
So what will this “God time” look like? For me, I like to hold a quiet minute or two to shake off the day’s distractions. Then I’ll use a daily devotion book like the little ones we have in the Gathering Space to read some Scripture and a reflection. I usually journal any thoughts I have from what I’ve read before moving into intentional prayer. In that moment, I bring to God my worries and fears, my joys and celebrations. It’s a time to really talk to God about what’s going on with me and how God would have me respond to life. And then I close with some more time in silence. This provides an opportunity to hear God through the reflections and realizations that come to mind. All in all, this process, sometimes referred to as the daily office, takes about fifteen minutes.
When I have a larger chunk of time to devote to God, I love to really dive into the Bible and learn more about God through the Word. My favorite way to do that is called Lectio Divina. It’s a process where you read a particular text from Scripture multiple times, sometimes using various translations, hearing what sticks out to you. But it is far from the only way to strengthen your relationship with God. God calls to us through the Holy Spirit into this beautiful friendship. Perhaps you prefer to listen to some music, read the Bible, journal, sing, meditate, walk, or volunteer. There are innumerable ways we can encounter the Holy One. From my perspective, it hasn’t seemed to matter what avenue I use to connect with God, but rather that I am taking the time and dedicating myself to exploring and maintaining such an important bond.
How will you be spending the National Day of Prayer? Who will you be reaching out to? How will you be connecting with God? I pray that you find a moment to turn to God. May you sense God’s calling to you. May you answer and feel the sparkle of a renewed and deliberate relationship with the one that loves you so, the one that is grace.
Peace be with you,
Laura