In our culture summer is associated with relaxation. “A lazy summer day” is a phrase often used in stories when the main characters spend the day near the water, enjoying life. Perhaps you have taken this week to relax and enjoy life. Maybe you grilled out and watched fireworks, swam, fished, or boated. So many awesome opportunities to be out enjoying God’s creation!
And yet, this week was not the relaxing oasis I had envisioned. I had family in town this week and I was so looking forward to reconnecting. But then the burden of cleaning and planning and being perfect got in the way. I became overwhelmed with worries that I robbed myself of peace and enjoyment. I wasn’t embracing vulnerability and honesty. I was trying to live up to what I perceived their expectations would be. I wasn’t being myself and was trying to present this more perfect image of myself as someone who has it together.
It reminds me of the song “Truth be Told” by Matthew West. He outlines lies we tell ourselves and others to measure up to societal pressures. And in the chorus, he repeats, “I say I'm fine, yeah I'm fine oh I'm fine, hey I'm fine but I'm not, I'm broken.” And despite this brokenness, God loves us. Fully. God knows all about the stuff we try to keep hidden and still loves us. God does not judge us for the dust on the baseboards or the expired dressing in the fridge or even for the endless train of worries in our minds. God knows all this and loves us.
God accepts us for who we are. This idea of being perfect is something we put on ourselves. God did not add a “Thou shalt be perfect” to the tablets on Mt. Sinai. God just wants us to be upfront and honest about the mess that God is fully aware of already. We have to be honest with ourselves and with God about the “not fine” moments of our lives. Honesty is a critical foundation to any relationship. Those lies we tell ourselves can be like stagnant water. When we ignore the truth of how we are truly doing, we miss the opportunity to flush out the stale water. If we persist in ignoring our faults, the foundation begins to break down and we need more than cleaning, we need repairs.
But a pressure washer won’t help us clean up our hearts and minds. West tells us that “being honest is the only way to fix it.” Opening up, reflecting, and being honest about where I am gives me the opportunity to clean up and repair the brokenness I have created through my pursuit of perfection. Through this acceptance of who I am in this moment, I can change. I plan to be more intentional in my relationship with God and my family. I also am going to work with my therapist on confidence. I might take another read through Brené Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection” or perhaps “Boundaries” by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. But what I’m not going to do is continue to lie to myself that I’m fine when I’m not.
So, take heart, friends, and whatever your truth is – addiction, anxiety, people-pleasing, gossiping, FOMO (fear of missing out, aka envy), and so, so, so many other things we keep hidden in our hearts – embrace vulnerability and “let the truth be told.” What does this clean-up look like for you? When we stand in the freedom of the truth, then we can really enjoy our lazy summer days.
Peace be with you all. See you Sunday!
Pastor Laura Applegate, Seminary Intern